Waiting for Forever
by The Last Ronin
Summary: "You see? Everything's alright." Those were the last words I said to him, before I walked away. They were a lie.


So I've been re-playing FF7 for the hundreth or so time and came up with the idea for this short piece. This takes place shortly after the events of "Advent Children". Enjoy!

Oh, small note. I don't actually own the cover art for this fic nor do I know who does as I found it on the internet with no ownership markers that I could find. I know that's not allowed on the site but the pic was just too perfect for my story. So I add this: If anyone does know who owns this pic please point me towards them or them towards me so I may ask permission to use it or take it down if that's their wish. Thanks!

_**~The Last Ronin~**_

"Hey are you gonna be ok?"

I don't answer right away, my thoughts elsewhere even as I keep an eye on the children playing in the distance. There's no need to watch them really; they're already dead – like me – so nothing here can hurt them. This place is just a waystation – a temporary stop – for people to wait in until they're ready to return to the lifestream.

"Aeris?" It's the concern in Zack's voice that snaps me back to the present a second before he leans over to brush a finger along my cheek.

Tears? I hadn't realized I was crying. I scrub my hand across my face, trying to compose myself but it's a front; I can't seem to rid myself of this…pain.

My heart is breaking because his is already broken; the pieces weighted by guilt, preventing it from mending. And it _kills_ me that I'm the reason for his guilt. I never wanted to be anything but a source of happiness for him.

The brief moments we'd had – where I'd managed to cheat death – were extrordinary, and over too fast. There had been so much I wanted to say to him…wanted to do with him, but there hadn't been enough time – the story of us I suppose – and so I instead said what I had to…did what I had to.

Those brief moments were a lie.

I'd pasted on a smile and buried this agony because it was the right thing to do. I could have let him die – he was ready – and we finally would have been…but I couldn't be that selfish. I couldn't not save him because I love him that much, too much to watch him die just because I…

And the truth is, the world needs…no, deserves him more than I do. There's so many he can still help, so many he can still save; even if I wasn't one of them.

But that's not true either. He did save me. He saved me from a meaningless life. He saved me from slavery. Most importantly though, he saved me from a life without ever knowing what it meant to truly be in love.

Why didn't I tell him that?

"I'm just so," I start, my voice cracking, "I'm just so _angry_!"

Zack nods as if he understands – and maybe he does – but I'm more than a litte surprised at my own response. I'm not surprised that I said it though, but rather because it's true. I am angry. And I'm angry that I'm angry because I don't know who I'm angry at.

Him for not saving me?

Myself for being so pathetically unselfish?

Zack for understanding?

Her for trying to…

Or maybe I'm just angry at the unfairness of it all.

He promised he would protect me; he was supposed to be my bodyguard! But I was the one who left. I left to protect him, because the fate of the world wasn't a burden I wanted him to bear.

And of course Zack understands; he gave his life for the same person I did after all. We both surrendered our futures so that someone we cared about might have one himself.

And her…I suppose I'm not really mad at her – she loves him too, after all. No, I can't be mad at her, not when she was trying to do the same thing I was: keep him alive. Her ultimatum still hurt though: _"Us or a memory"._

No, I suppose it is life I'm made at.

He'll probably give into her eventually; she's very persistant and beautiful and well, he is a guy. Yes, at some point he just won't be able to fight her anymore and he'll surrender. They'll probably marry, start a family…build a home together. All the things that _we_ were supposed to do.

And I won't blame him when he does either. I didn't blame him for my death – that was and is true. So I certainly won't blame him for living. Or, at least, trying to live.

As much as I want all that for him I'm afraid that, even if it all comes to pass, he still won't be alive. Sure he'll go throught he motions, say the right words, smile at the right time but it will all just be an act. Those motions will be robotic, the words slightly off, the smiles slightly late.

I know all this because it's true of myself. I know all this because in the time we had together, brief though it was, we became a part of each other. And no matter how we may try, we can never truly be alive when we're missing an essential piece of ourselves. So long as we're not together we'll never be whole again.

I pull myself from my thoughts long enough to see one of the children break apart, her body dissipating into green lights that quickly fade away. A sad smile tugs at my lips, the start of more tears pricking at my eyes. Oh how I wish I could be like her: to just fade away until nothing remains; no sadness, no anger, no pain. But I know I can't because, in the end, I am selfish.

So I'll wait because someday we will have our forever…together. And until then I know that, to _him_, I will never become just a memory.


End file.
